The Aunties Are Moaning

Have you read any Anne Lamott yet?

Because you are really missing out sheer genius in writing if you have not.

Anyway, she has these glorious descriptions: her postpartum belly is a faithful puppy, resting beside her as she sleeps, her teenager’s moody side is called Phil as in “Phil was here for a visit today”, and my favorite- she calls her thighs the “Aunties”.

Well, my Aunties are LOVING the C25K, let me tell you. So much that they are singing songs of labor and pain as I walk around. When I climb stairs (of which I have MANY) they bellow out Praises and Amens and Dear God WHY’S??? I thank the Aunties, for being such good sports, for so gamely carrying my body on our jogs. I thank them especially for carrying around this butt, because this butt is not so much jogging as following us while we jog. (If Anne Lamott had a butt like mine, what would she name it? The In-Laws? The Cousins’ Illegitimate Children? Yes, I think I need to name my butt in order to survive this whole running thing.)

I actually had a completely rational train of thought while jogging last night- along the lines of “This would be so much easier if I my butt wasn’t weighing me down so much. If only it wasn’t so BIG. Yeah, then I could REALLY jog.” It was minutes before I had the clarity of thought to realize that this was exactly why I needed to be jogging. I blame it on the lack of oxygen to my brain and the fact that my body was concentrating on living and not on thinking.

Complaining from the Aunties aside, the running was not as bad as I expected. If I could stay on Week 1 for, like, 8 months, I’d be fine. What concerns me is how fast the program accelerates. Anne Lamott also says she only has three prayers: “Help me, help me, help me.” “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” And “Wow. ” I need all three- help me to not die, thank you for not letting me die, and wow! I didn’t die. Or something like that.

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8 thoughts on “The Aunties Are Moaning

  1. You can do it! Also, there’s no harm in doing an extra day or two (or week, or whatever) of one level, if you really don’t feel ready to move up. What matters is you’re doing something so happy for your body. They even say on the front page of their website: “If, on the other hand, you find the program too strenuous, just stretch it out. Don’t feel pressured to continue faster than you’re able. Repeat weeks if needed and move ahead only when you feel you’re ready.”I’m excited to be not sick/get moved and settled, because there are glorious parks in and around our new town and I want to start jogging/hiking more with our dog. He lurves it and it makes me feel good. Etc.I think you’re doing a great job!

  2. 1) I’ve read Anne Lamott!2) I love “this butt is not so much jogging as following us while we jog.” I know this kind of butt. *looks crankily at own rear*3) Won’t it be neat if there comes a day where we notice there is less butt?

  3. I love Anne Lamott. I love the aunties. I wish I could write like she does….Garrison Keillor called his teacher’s triceps “Hoppy and Bob.” I love that one too.Good luck with your exercise!

  4. I love Anne Lamott. I’ve done a similar running program, but it was a 10 K thing, and loved it. It’s tough in the beginning but you’ll be amazed to see how quickly your cardio strength will build up. Keep on keepin’ on!

  5. I too love Annie (we are buds I’m thinking because I’ve read a lot of her words!) I have just read about the aunties today and it was such a good reminder to be kind to myself. That’s why I had my own little ‘cruise ship’ moment and served and ate Cream of Wheat for dinner. Just because. Anyway, I had to comment because I have read many of the books you’re reading now. Enjoy!

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