Kindergarten [Edited to add photos]

Look, I don’t think they would fall apart if they were in separate rooms. I think there would be a rough adjustment time, and then they would be FINE. That’s not why I want them together.

Also, I am aware of the potential problems of keeping them together- the biggest one being that they will compete with each other- for friends, academics, even the teacher’s attention. I’ve talked with their preschool teacher at length about this, and she believes that being together will not be a distraction or inhibit their learning any more than the normal distractions you find in classroom dynamics.

I think that starting a new chapter in life, and being away from home (all day, every day) will be a wonderful and stressful life change for them, and I want them to be able to lean on each other through it.

Also, I want to send them the [nonverbal] message that their bond is good, that what they have is wonderful and beautiful. I do NOT want to send the [nonverbal] message that being together is bad, that they must be separated because they need each other too much.
If you want to raise my hackles, then you will tell me that “we don’t do that” when I request for them to be together. Have you raised twins? Are you a twin yourself? Is there a twin expert on the school board that is making this recommendation based on a professional/expert opinion?

No? Then please recognize that no one completely understands the twin bond, just like no one can really understand how someone else’s marriage works. Therefore, I believe that my husband and I are best equipped to make big decisions for our children, and our heart and gut and brains are saying that it is best for them to be together.

I’m sorry I cannot follow conventional wisdom on this one- it really does pain me to have to make an appointment to talk to you about this. I wish you knew me first- to know that I am a rational and normal person, that I’m a relaxed and easy-going mother, that we are not going to be one of “those” families who is a constant pain in your side. Normally, we fly under the radar, doing the right thing and not drawing attention to ourselves.

I wish you knew how shocked we were to discover we were having twins, how hard those first years were. I wish I could explain to you how difficult it was for me to divide myself between two newborns, how much of their lives they’ve had to share my time, attention, and affection. They may not have had my undivided attention, not even on the day they were born, but the flip side is that they’ve always had each other. I could make a lengthy pros and cons list of being a twin…

If you knew us better, maybe then you would help us celebrate the bond that they have. Perhaps you would agree that being together for kindergarten is one of the PERKS of being a twin- one of the advantages to offset some of the disadvantages. For now, I’m just hoping you’ll trust my judgement on this one.

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15 thoughts on “Kindergarten [Edited to add photos]

  1. I know exactly how you feel, and my girls are only 15 months old! Our district separates twins, but allows parental input. I’ll be curious to know how it works out for you.

  2. Oh, that last one. OH! And the SHIRTLESS ONE! Wow. So, so sweet.Fun fact! I had twins in my kindergarten class. Of course, there WAS only one class, but still. Nothing BAD happened, or anything. They were together all through school, but then went to different colleges.I think sometimes the school wants to separate them for THE TEACHER’s convenience, and not because it’s better for the kids.Still, nervous tummy over dealing with this.THEY ARE SO SWEET!

  3. I wonder if there’s a big difference between boy/boy and girl/girl twins. My boys have been in a special needs (speech therapy) preschool program and they will be going to Kindergarten this fall. I specifically asked that they be in separate classrooms. I had many people question that choice wondering why on earth I’d want to separate them but I really felt that they would do better in a situation where they weren’t always being compared to each other. Even though they don’t look anything alike (to anyone who pays attention), people are always mixing them up. I wanted them to have the opportunity to be seen as individuals.I love that you are paying attention to what is best for your girls instead of just accepting what is considered the “norm” (must be that doula spirit). 🙂

  4. I hope they listen to you. They are just adorable. I went all the way through elementary school with identical twins in my class (no other choice – there was only one of each class). They each had their own personality and their own circle of friends, but were as close as sisters can be.My dad is a retired school principal and, for what it’s worth, he always advocates talking to the school principal until you get what you want (when you know you’re right).

  5. I am with you, girl! I will certainly cheer you on and support your mommy connectedness — your intuition granted you through all the hard work and time and sweat (and milk) and labor these last 6 years….

  6. WOW. This is an amazing post. Those photos– all of them– take my breath away. I can’t explain it really, because I have practically ZERO experience with twins in any way whatsoever.I hope they listen. I hope it is not a battle for you. Keep us updated!

  7. I think that often schools have very valid reasons for their policies, but I also think that we need to be wary of a one-size-fits-all anything when it comes to education. You really know what is best for your beautiful daughters. I really hope the school will see that you are being perfectly reasonable and work with you. . .

  8. Oh, those photos just take my breath away. What beautiful girls, and what a special bond!!! And, anyway, who cares if they ARE attached at the hip when they’re adults?! What would be wrong with that? Loving families are healthy families.

  9. The last picture physically pains me. It is so beautiful. And I agree with the decision to keep them together. Each situation is different and you know what’s best for the babes.

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