Look, I don’t think they would fall apart if they were in separate rooms. I think there would be a rough adjustment time, and then they would be FINE. That’s not why I want them together.
Also, I am aware of the potential problems of keeping them together- the biggest one being that they will compete with each other- for friends, academics, even the teacher’s attention. I’ve talked with their preschool teacher at length about this, and she believes that being together will not be a distraction or inhibit their learning any more than the normal distractions you find in classroom dynamics.
I think that starting a new chapter in life, and being away from home (all day, every day) will be a wonderful and stressful life change for them, and I want them to be able to lean on each other through it.
Also, I want to send them the [nonverbal] message that their bond is good, that what they have is wonderful and beautiful. I do NOT want to send the [nonverbal] message that being together is bad, that they must be separated because they need each other too much.
If you want to raise my hackles, then you will tell me that “we don’t do that” when I request for them to be together. Have you raised twins? Are you a twin yourself? Is there a twin expert on the school board that is making this recommendation based on a professional/expert opinion?
No? Then please recognize that no one completely understands the twin bond, just like no one can really understand how someone else’s marriage works. Therefore, I believe that my husband and I are best equipped to make big decisions for our children, and our heart and gut and brains are saying that it is best for them to be together.
I’m sorry I cannot follow conventional wisdom on this one- it really does pain me to have to make an appointment to talk to you about this. I wish you knew me first- to know that I am a rational and normal person, that I’m a relaxed and easy-going mother, that we are not going to be one of “those” families who is a constant pain in your side. Normally, we fly under the radar, doing the right thing and not drawing attention to ourselves.
I wish you knew how shocked we were to discover we were having twins, how hard those first years were. I wish I could explain to you how difficult it was for me to divide myself between two newborns, how much of their lives they’ve had to share my time, attention, and affection. They may not have had my undivided attention, not even on the day they were born, but the flip side is that they’ve always had each other. I could make a lengthy pros and cons list of being a twin…
If you knew us better, maybe then you would help us celebrate the bond that they have. Perhaps you would agree that being together for kindergarten is one of the PERKS of being a twin- one of the advantages to offset some of the disadvantages. For now, I’m just hoping you’ll trust my judgement on this one.