Past Lives

I’m hesitant to mention her again, in case you get the wrong idea about me. Sure, I like her show, depending on the topic, and I DVR it and watch only those I’m interested in. But I’m not sitting on the edge of my seat over here, waiting for her to tell me what to read next or shelling out 300 actual dollars for a bathrobe or taking her “online classes” or anything.

That said, I just have to ask you about Oprah’s recent shows about past lives. I am so intrigued. She’s got Dr. Oz and this other dude (hold on a sec, I have to google it…) Dr. Brian Weiss, who hypnotizes people and takes them back to previous lives.

Now, I’m going at this topic with a completely open mind, trying not to bring my religious beliefs into it. I’m thinking- WHAT IF.

It’s so crazy to think about. I’m so curious to know if I would have any past life experiences. What about my parents? My kids? My husband? Wouldn’t it be cool to know what “previous” experiences our children had?

Could knowing this information help us understand each other better? “Oh, well, my daughter was a Samurai in her past life, so, you know, she’s bound to be working through some aggression.” Or “So-and-so was royalty in a past life, so that explains her current princess tendencies.” I mean, we ALL know a “princess” in this life, right?

Many of the people who were hypnotized could remember dying or being killed. For these people, how they died in previous lives explained many of their fears/dreams/phobias in this life. Many found the experience very healing. But what if you were the MURDER-ER. Or, say you found out you were… HITLER or something? (Then again, what if you were George Washington? Martin Luther King Jr? MISTER ROGERS????) (Why are all of my hypotheticals MEN? Maybe I was a man in a past life? Hee.)

Also, some of these people remembered past lives from not too long ago. So wouldn’t it be possible that you would have children/grandchildren still living in THIS LIFE, and if you could remember enough details about your previous life, you could look them up?

It could happen. And that would be weird. “Hi Tom. Nice to meet you. I know this sounds strange, but my daughter Kate? She was your dead Uncle George in her past life? Remember good ol‘ George? Yeah, that’s right, he died in ‘Nam.”)

So? Maybe it’s best to leave it alone?

I’m not sure I even “believe” in it. I just like to entertain the possibilities.

Also, in a blatant attempt to troll for sympathy/kudos/CASH PRIZES for my bravery, and also speaking of FEARS, I feel the need to tell you- I had to have an Emergency Root Canal (!!!!!) on Monday (on a tooth that recently had a filling but now the tooth is dying). AND I had to do it without ANY gas/happy-drugs/anti-anxiety meds. AND I have to go back tomorrow for MORE work on that tooth. I AM YOUR HERO, I know, I know. Not everyone can be tough like me…

Fucking dentist.

(Hi Dentist! If you ever find this blog… um… I like YOU. Just not all your masochistic TOOLS and your stupid Xrays that MAKE ME GAG. WHO NEEDS TEETH?)

(Also, I’m pretty sure my file at the dentist’s is labeled “RUNNER!!!!!” because I HAVE actually run out the door before. Now? When I get there? I don’t even GET IN THE DOOR and they are taking me back. I’ve NEVER (since I ran, and barfed twice in the parking lot) sat for a SINGLE SECOND in the waiting area. They probably have a team meeting, and have, I don’t know, ROPES or something set aside to TIE ME DOWN if need be.)

(Also? My dentist is now my FRIEND, and we get together often with our kids, or as couples, and OMG I could DIE. Because I HATE DENTISTS. But you should see how COOL I can be hanging out with her. NOT sweating, or running out the door or twitching or ANYTHING. Well, at least not until I had to have an EMERGENCY ROOT CANAL (see: above)

(Also? I’m really curious to hear how you feel about past lives. All this DENTIST TALK may have distracted you, but past lives is really what I’m interested in… I mean, IF YOU INSIST, we can talk about how much DENTISTS SUCK… I won’t mind that either.)