Memo To Myself: Read This Before You Decide To Get a Cat

1. CAT BOX

2. Cat hair

3. Cat barf

4. Cat Me-yowling at the ass-crack of dawn

5. You don’t have a cat right now because of gross negligence.

6. CAT BOX

7. Cat scratches on furniture

8. Cat scratches on children. (Should this one be listed ahead of furniture?)

9. CAT BOX

10. Cats are not babies, and what you really want is something small to mother.

11. Too many friends are allergic/miserable when visiting your home.

12. CAT BOX

13. Cat guilt when you are out of town.

14. Cat hair, on your clean, clean floors. And beds. And furniture. And clothes.

15. Kittens are fun; cats are evil and want you dead. Also? The lick their butts while you are trying to sleep.

You don’t need a cat. You have enough responsibilities in your life with your house and your children and your job and your new Lost addiction.

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Hey, have you weighed in on the pubic hair discussion? Go, do that! It’s below.

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10 thoughts on “Memo To Myself: Read This Before You Decide To Get a Cat

  1. They do tend to lick their butts while you are sleeping, preferrably while balancing on your resting body.I’m glad you have a new Lost addiction. I’m always happy to have someone else discuss it with!

  2. We have three cats, and we are WATCHING them, HOPING they will DIE SOON so we don’t have any more box/hair/barf/scratches. And yet, I’ll see a cat (I don’t like kittens, I like cats), and I’ll want to adopt it. Because I do like them, I just don’t want to have to take CARE of them.

  3. hey – you forgot ‘inside-outside-inside-outside’. Although, I have to say, I think we have the greatest cat in the world. She’s never scratched a soul, including Patrick who, I must say, I personally am tempted to scratch myself and I don’t have a tail to pull. She never barfs, only bathes on her kitty tower, and doesn’t hang out on the furniture. Well, OK, only because it’s usually being guarded by 150lbs of DOGS, who lay on it, wash on it, etc. Sigh.

  4. I used to babysit for a family with a cat made of evil. Turned me off of any desire to ever own cats. Never mind the fact that I’m allergic.

  5. We have had 3 cats, but now only have 1. She loves to clean herself in the middle of the night, and if she wakes me, I kick her off the bed quite unceremoniously. I hate cleaning the cat boxes but since I was pregnant for so many years, I kind of owe my husband. But, she will come lay under a blanket with me and purrs like mad. She’s 11 and it will be so sad when she’s gone. We’re already talking about another one “for the kids” . Really, for me because after never having pets until she came along, I’d be totally lost without her.

  6. I’ll be bookmarking this. Every once in awhile I crave a cat in the house. Then I remember it’s one more thing to take care of and I smarten up.

  7. I cant wait for our cat to go to kitty heaven so I dont have cat box issues anymore.Also, I dont think we will ever be able to get another cat b/c I refuse to have one that is not declawed and it seems like a lot of vets wont declaw anymore..

  8. Man. I don’t mind ANY of these things (I don’t have childrens, but we do use Soft Paws) because I am obviously insane and would be happier living in a zoo. Also, I guess we’ve found solutions for a lot of them.And! Jelly Roll is our ONLY PET who can tell when I am sad. Or he is the only pet who knows to take advantage of me during weak times so that I will feed him more. Perhaps add that to your list.

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