Trying To Articulate It, Probably Failing

Things in Tiny Town have been really great lately, which is possibly why I have not been blogging much. Instead I have been spending my energies in relationships that I have with people here in town, which is healthier, I suppose, than whittling away my day online. However, I miss being here more, so hopefully I’ll reach a balance soon where I have enough time/energy for both.

I feel like life is really blossoming for me right now. I have met or gotten to know several people- the exact kind of people that I so longed for not very long ago- the sort I could have sworn didn’t exist here in Tiny Town. The energy that comes with new friendships is exciting and fresh and happy. Additionally, many of the friendships that I have that are not new, now feel more comfortable and solidified than before. I feel like this place, this town, this life is exactly where I am supposed to be. I cannot imagine living somewhere else, which says a lot coming from a girl who less than 3 years ago spent every second of every day plotting our family’s escape from Tiny Town and going so far as to look at real estate in neighboring Bigger Town. (A move which would have added a commute to David’s day along with giving him the disadvantage of NOT living in the town where he owns a business.)

It’s ironic that this peace has washed into my life right now, considering that financially we are just squeaking by these days. We’ve never had a great deal of disposable income, but lately we’ve been more along the lines of “Oh crap, the kids need lunch money in their account… should we use a credit card?” This sudden lack of cash in the bank is due to 1)the aggressiveness that we are trying to pay off our medical debt and 2)the increase of all of our insurances (heath and home and vehicle) AND the increase in our utilities.

It’s funny though, that despite being stressed about money, I’ve also been very grateful. The things we do have seem like luxuries, and I feel kindred to people who struggle financially on a more regular basis. I feel like this experience has given me an opportunity to grow, to redefine my life and what is important, to strip down to the core of who we are and what we want from life. We are intentional; we have clarity; we have direction.

Also, I’m learning that having that pit in your stomach of financial worry is really important to one’s success. We are more motivated than ever to being frugal, to not wasting, to knowing where our dollars are going. Though I’ve never been a big spender, I have been a careless spender, so now I am learning about budgeting and coupons and needs versus wants. I know we are not the only ones that are tightening our belts lately (thank you Bush economy boom!), but this is a good lesson, and I am grateful for it.