The Opposite of a Gratitude List

Well there’s nothing else to say about it other than this: Migraines suck. I cannot think of another discomfort, save for the after-surgery nausea that seems to plague me for at least 12 hours each and every time I receive anesthesia, that is worse than having a migraine. And yes, I’m including childbirth and C-section recovery in that blanket statement.

I woke tired this morning, with a slightly stiff neck. After going about my day in a fairly normal fashion, I suddenly started feeling quite ill. I snarfed back a couple of Excedrin and picked up the girls from school. My vision blurred, and my stomach sent me a couple of meaningful threats. I tried to nap, but the caffeine in the Excedrin kept me alert and jittery. Besides, laying down makes me neck MORE sore, and somehow my neck pain is related to having migraines.

Currently, I have the Excedrin buzz that blissfully dulls the pounding pain. I think I took my blessed drugs just in time- I think this one is on it’s way out. I will spend the rest of today feeling like I am on the brink of something terrible, and being anxious about the terrible coming to fruition.

To make matters worse, my grandma- my beloved, kick-ass, cooler-than-your-grandma, grandma wants me to somehow hook her up with Obama so that she can donate a puppy. I should mention that my grandma is THE coolest person I know- she has a terrific personality; she is smart and funny and witty; she is wise and honest and tactful; she is nothing short of the bees knees, really. But she’s also getting old. And she honestly thinks that since I have a dear friend that lives in the DC area, a friend who years ago worked on the Hill, that I can get a personal message to Barack Obama that she has a champion-line Yorkshire Terrier puppy for his daughters.

You guys, she really believes that I can “pull some strings” for her. And for some reason, I do not know how to tell her that NO, I cannot contact Mr. Obama for he seems to be, oh, I don’t know, THE MOST IN DEMAND PERSON in our country right now. And I do agree that adopting a puppy from a little old lady in South Dakota would make a good story, I think there are probably plenty of people offering up puppies for little Malia and Sasha. “Well, we can’t focus on the competition” says Grandma. *SIGH*

Additionally, I have a work project that I need to finish but have been procrastinating, I have a doula client who deserves a phone call and her birth notes, and I have a toddler that is climbing all over me while simultaneously tapping out a beat on her toy drum and begging for a “paci, mommy, pwease mommy, paci probwy in-a drawer.” And then she unplugs my cordless mouse.

Also: a slight headache that I’m nervous will get worse at ANY SECOND.

Oh, and before I go, I’d like to talk to you about your thermostat. I asked the question yesterday on Facebook- what do you set your thermostat at in the winter? And do you know that there are people that keep their house much cooler than we do? Our thermostat currently reads 67 degrees, and let me tell you- I am typing this with two (2) pairs of wool socks, and double thick fleece blanket, and my winter hat on. And I’m warming my hands on a cup of tea between sentences. It’s cold in here, is what I’m saying. And yet… some have it at 65! And I’m quite sure the fella that said his was set to 62, AROUND THE CLOCK, is a big fat liar. A BIG FAT LIAR. That, or his entire family sits around the dinner table with hot potatoes in the pockets of their parkas.

62!

Oh, manna from heaven, my husband just got home- EARLY- for probably the second time in our marriage.

*weeping on the floor*

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