I called my doctor today and requested a med consult. It seems I’ve been on a bit of a slide lately, and it was HIGH TIME I did something about it.
It started a couple of months ago, when I would wake around 3am and would not be able to fall back asleep. I never have sleep troubles, so this was unusual for me. Also, I was extremely nauseous every morning- to the point where I spent a great deal of time pressing my forearms into my breasts and wondering “AM I????” I even took a pregnancy test… negative.
Next, I wandered into a “I don’t give a goddamn so don’t ask me” phase, which was lovely actually, though also not normal for me. I couldn’t make decisions, I didn’t care one way or another, NOTHING could ruffle my feathers, Nosiree. Me, not have an opinion? Ha, ha, ha, ha, HA!
We didn’t know where we were spending Thanksgiving until hours before we had to leave… I simply could not focus on the choices or make a decision, and I also didn’t really care where we ended up. (Which was in South Dakota, sharing a motel room with my mom and her dog. But luckily? It was fine. I was as calm and disconnected as a clam.)
Also during this time, I was having trouble controlling my impulses.
This is Coco. She’s a Ragdoll/Persian mix, and we love her dearly. She definitely has the “floppy-cat” characteristics and is very tolerant with the children. Merry Christmas to us, a bit early!
Um? I guess I forgot to reread this
A related confession: I’ve completely fallen in love with the Ragdoll breed. Which is, to put it bluntly, embarrassing. I mean, I am not a Cat Lady. I’m not! And I’m not a Specific Breed Lady either. Or a Designer Cat Lady. And I’m surely not a Pay Money For A Cat While Hundreds Of Kittens Are Euthanized In Shelters Lady.
But I lurrrrve Ragdolls. In fact, let’s just add “being obsessed” to the list of symptoms I experienced during this phase of The Slide.
(We paid a modest “rehoming” fee for Coco, since she is a ragdoll mix. But that doesn’t stop me from thinking about- and even plotting- purchasing a(nother) ragdoll kitten. WHAT IS MY PROBLEM??? Oh, yeah, right. Now I remember.)
Finally, after all of that, I started to feel sad. It would hit suddenly and intensely, and then recede leaving me feeling exhausted, but no longer sad… just confused. My depression has never manifested itself as overt sadness, so this also was atypical. The ever-familiar anxiety was back too, it fits and starts.
By now it was a big ol’ DUH that I needed to do something. I’ve been taking an antidepressant for over 2 years and never increase my dosage… until today. I’ve been instructed to give it two weeks and then reevaluate. So that puts us right at… what? Christmas Eve? WONDERFUL. I GET TO BE CRAZY FOR CHRISTMAS.
[Edited to add: I wrote this post a few days ago, and since I’ve increased my dose, I’ve magically felt much better. I KNOW the increase wouldn’t actually take effect that quickly, but I guess I’ll take this mood improvement- no matter what the cause.]