Here’s the thing about dealing with one’s Family of Origin: things are so fucking loaded. Simple things. Seemingly innocent things. You’re just merrily going along your life, and a single encounter with Family of Origin and WHAM. L-O-A-D-E-D.
You see, I’m still stewing about what happened between my dad’s girlfriend and me on Christmas Eve. It started with a quick phone call to my grandma today (to see if she was still in South Dakota or if she’d left for her Southern Wintering State), and we get to talking, and now I’m back to fretting, arguing, and generally being pissed off, hurt, sad, upset, sick, miserable, ETC all over again.
Dad’s girlfriend is really upset because there was not a photo of her in the “Green Family Album 2009” Shutterfly book I gave my dad for Christmas. I didn’t have a decent photo of her; the book is a gift for my father; there are only a few pictures of my dad in the book; she simply didn’t make it in.
I refuse to apologize. I didn’t leave her out to hurt her feelings. I simply didn’t choose her photo. I am, however, quite pissed that she 1) flipped through the book for 30 seconds, not even looking at the photos except to check to see if SHE was in it and 2) proceeded to ruin (yep, RUIN) the precious, short time I had with my dad over it.
Also, Seester and I bought her a gift. HER VERY OWN GIFT.
I don’t think she has any right to complain about my dad’s gift OR to be pissed that SHE didn’t make it into a book of photos of MY family’s year. Photos of MY children, documenting how we spent OUR year.
However, I could care less if she’s mad at me. What really eats at me is that she has my dad mad too. And he’s being a jerk to my grandma for “waffling” her viewpoint after listening to what I had to say. See? Loaded.
Nothing is at all about what we are arguing over. It’s all about deeper, hidden issues. It becomes a stupid, multi-layered web of hurt feelings and perceived wrong-doings and he said/she said and BLAH DE FUCKING BLAH.
In the end? I want my dad to believe me. To see my intentions for what they were: good. Instead, he has a girlfriend that has decided to attack my character and thus, I am dragged into a mess I don’t want any part of.
It was just a gift. That I spent hours making. For my father.
LOADED LOADED LOADED FUCKING OH MY GOD I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW LOADED EVERYTHING IS AND HOW I’M BEING DRUG THROUGH THE MUD OVER SO MUCH STUPID LOADED LOADED BULLSHIT.
Family of Origin conflicts… FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK.