Not Trying For a Boy

So as the reality of this baby sinks in, so do a few other things.  Like, now that I’ve accepted that this baby is staying IN THERE, I realize that this baby also has to come OUT, which with my history is more stressful than you think.  I have PLENTY of fretting to do on that subject, so I think I’ll save that for another day, when I’m in the mood to work myself into a nice frothy lather about it.

Of course, I’m also starting to wonder what we “need” for this baby.  Probably not much, and this isn’t something I worry about, but rather I ENJOY gathering baby stuff.  Much of our previous baby gear has been borrowed (and returned) from friends and/or purchased 2nd hand and passed along to someone else in need.  I don’t have a swing or bumbo seat, for example, but I’m pretty sure that a couple of phone calls could land me both.  Also, I think my bouncy seat died, but I’m sure I can easily find another 2nd hand one.

The one thing David and I plan on buying is a jogger, as the one we’ve been using with Marin is on its VERY LAST LEG, so much so that last fall I became nervous taking Marin in walks too far from home, for fear that a wheel would fall off, and we’d be stranded.  I’ll probably peruse Craig’s List and/or garage sales before buying something new, though I want something in new(ish) condition because I know we will use it often.  Originally I thought we’d wait until NEXT summer to buy a jogger, as baby won’t be big enough this fall to necessitate one.  But then I realized that if we got one this summer, we’d use it for Marin, who won’t be able to keep up on her bike/training wheels with the big girls on their bikes when we go for walks.  Which is often.

(By the way, I have a Graco Metrolite that folds up easily, is very light-weight, and fits nicely in our van.  We use it for any outing that is away from home:  shopping, the zoo, fairs, etc.  Our jogger stays in our garage is and used around our neighborhood only, as joggers are big and hard to fold up and take up tons of space, and they are also too hard to steer in stores, through doorways, etc.  If we didn’t do so much walking around Tiny Town, I’d forgo the jogger all together, as the Graco is much better for out and about away from home.)

Also, this time, I’d like to use cloth diapers.  (Anyone have some newborn-sized ones they’d like to sell to me?)

ANYWAY, moving on the POINT of this post (why yes, I do have one!), the thing I’m most worried about with this baby is whether it’s a girl or a boy.  Now, let me explain.  To my utter surprise, I honestly don’t have a preference this time of which we have (not that it would matter if I DID have a preference, as I obviously don’t have a choice).  If we have a girl, she would be born the same month that Marin was born, and Marin’s baby clothes would work wonderfully for her.  Also, another girl around her JUST MAKES SENSE, let’s be honest.  If it’s a boy, we get the chance to experience parenting a BLUE PERSON– a son!– which would be cool too.  (And you know that I adhere strictly to the “pink for girls, blue for boys” rules, right?) (Ha, ha, ha.  I hope if we have a boy, he can rock the occasional girlish outfit, as we’re FLUSH with what society calls “girl” clothing around here.)  (He’ll enjoy purple lavender crib sheets, right?)

HOWEVER.  As I said, neither David nor I has a strong preference.  In fact, David has said that if he HAD TO CHOOSE (he hates these kind of hypothetical conversations, by the way), he would choose another girl, as we’re already on the Girl Train.  But of course, he would enjoy a boy, too.  But, as I said, we just don’t CARE very much this time, and I honestly have a hard time, after three girls, picturing anything BUT another daughter.  No, what I worry about is that people are assuming that this pregnancy is our “trying for a boy” and that they’ll feel PITY for us if we have a 4th daughter.

I’m wondering if wearing a specially printed T-shirt would help get our message out.  Maybe a whole collection of T-shirts, one for each day?  Things like:

*NOPE!  Not trying for a boy!
*My dad hopes I’m a girl!
*We would LOVE to raise FOUR daughters!
*If I’m a boy, I’ll probably have to wear girl clothes anyway, as that’s all my parents own!
*I will be loved whether I have a penis or not!
*No, my parents are NOT “trying for a boy”, STUPID.

(Yeah.  As you can see, I suck at T-shirt logos.  Maybe some of you have better ideas?) (Is that last one a little rude?)

Also, just to complicate things, as of right now we do not plan on finding out the sex of this baby before baby is born.  I know (I KNOW), I prefer when OTHER pregnant people find out, as I HATE the suspense.  I’m sorry about that.  But I LIKE the suspense when it’s my own pregnancy, and so does David.

So, any ideas of how to prevent people from feeling sorry for us if we have a another daughter?


31 thoughts on “Not Trying For a Boy

  1. When the topic comes up, say immediately something like, “a pack of sisters would be so cool, don’t you think?” and how could they not agree? A pack of sisters would be awesome.

  2. Hi! I am 99% positive I have a Bumbo seat I could send you (barely used bc M’s physical therapist said it wasn’t good for his specific issues). I didn’t even read the rest of the post yet because I would be so excited for someone to use it, I went straight to the comment form. If you can get one locally I know that is easier, but just say the word and that puppy is yours.

  3. That reminds me of that song from the Annie movies–“Some women are dripping with diamonds and pearls, as for me I drip with little girls!”

    I would just say, “A baby is always a good idea, regardless of the gender.”

    • “Little girls, little girls, everywhere I look it’s little girls!” Love Annie!

      I’m not so worried about people that we TALK to, but what about all the people around town that ASSUME we’re trying for a boy, but that we never talk to about it, and they silently pity us. UGGG. That’s what makes me frustrated.

  4. I have 3 younger sisters, and having all girls is awesome. Of course having a brother is awesome too. I’m sure you already get it, but the “oh, poor David!” comments will come in in force if you have another girl. Because living with 5 women is apparently torture? (Ok, I admit there were probably times when it WAS torture for my dad, but there were times it was torture for ALL OF US to live with the other 5).

    Anyway, boy or girl that kid is going to be loved fiercely by his/her older siblings.

    Sorry I don’t have better suggestions for retorts to people. And FWIW, I think that we might wait to find out with our next one until he/she is born too. It was fun to find out during the pregnancy last time, but I think we will want to wait the next time.

  5. This is one of my BIGGEST pet peeves, as you might imagine. I did very much want a baby girl after having 3 lovely boys, but i would have also been JUST AS HAPPY with a baby boy.
    I get so, so, so sick of the comments about “finally getting a girl” and “I guess you’re done now that you got your girl. harhar”

    Infuriating. Especially in front of the boys, who I don’t want to think that they are somehow less because they were NOT girls.

    This was one of the things I worried about, is that if we had another boy people would pity us. Although, unless you are planning to wear one of those shirts pretty much it’s not going to make much difference. (I do think they’re cute sayings, and am not against wearing them at all. although I have none to add. lol)

    I would definitely think of a line to tell people when you get confronted with the gender questions/pity because you will have to encounter it often, most likely.

    In my case, I have gotten to where I just smile and walk away because it’s not worth it to explain all the time.
    (we seriously get the comments EVERY time we go to the store, church, or a social gathering with new people, but we live in a much larger town so maybe it will be better in Tiny Town.)

    When I was pregnant I’d just say airly, “Oh, this is our last baby and we’ll just be so happy either way.”

    Sorry for the book! Apparently, this is a “thing” for me.

  6. People will ask, just like they’ll comment that you look “ready to poop” when you’re only 23 weeks because people are jerks and say stupid things. I would just have a line ready:

    “Hoping for a boy this time?”
    “Nope, just a healthy baby!”

  7. I have a three year old boy and we had a baby girl about 5 months ago, and the most infuriating thing to me is the assumption that we are done because we got our “one of each”. I like to tell people we were actually hoping for another boy so we may try again. Even if we never do. Stupids.

    I may actually have some newborn cloth to sell you, but if you haven’t already I highly suggest you join the cloth diaper board and swap on the dreaded babycenter. Great for buying used diapers from other moms!

  8. I can relate to this – and maybe more people (than we suspect) can. I have two boys and the thought of having a third boy – well, I think it’d be easiest and nicest to have another boy. Also, i’d like to say I’m having a “pack of boys.” Wow. That’s great. I can’t really imagine the look on people’s faces if I said this! Sooooo fun.

  9. I don’t really know, because I know MY parents got, and STILL get, tons of “sympathy” over having four daughters and no sons. And it goes both ways, too, for mothers of all boys, I know. I don’t understand why people think it’s the end of the world to have all of one sex! Sure it’d be fun to get to parent both kinds, but it’s ALSO fun to be all team boy or all team girl! Like, our house was always THE place for play dates and parties because we had every girly toy and dress up outfit imaginable. Also? Our house was a little cleaner than most. Girls just (generally) aren’t quite as hard on things like walls and furniture. So yeah, it’s just… I don’t know. Clearly I have some pent up indignation over hearing comments all my life about my “poor” dad having no sons. And you know what? I never heard word one from him about wishing he had a boy! I’ve even asked my mom privately and she swears he was always thrilled with having all daughters and thought it was fun. So there, world!

  10. How about something really rude and inappropriate? You could say “Well, we had hot drunk sex standing up in the shower the night we conceived since we always heard that position was great for conceiving boys.” Just to get them to shut up.


  11. I have no advice. I have three boys and a girl, but the girl was #2, so everyone just thought we were crazy for continuing to have children.

    I loved cloth diapers when we used them, btw.

  12. People make dumb comments no matter what…but having a witty response is appealing. I have two boys and a girl. While pregnant with #3, I got the “trying for a girl” comment often. One response I liked was to look puzzled and asd, “How do you do that exactly?” (when feeling smartassy) or else I just said, “We are hoping for a healthy baby”. I really, really thought #3 was a boy and I felt good about “my three sons”. Now that we have a girl, it’s lovely and I’m happy to have had the experience of both. But all boys would have worked well too. How do you choose one option over the other- either way it’s your BABY 🙂
    My favorite comment now is for people to observe my 3 children (age 4y,3y,16m)and ask me, “So, are you done yet?” Because, you know, more than 2 children is weird and more than 3 children is CRAZY!! LOL, what can you do?

  13. I feel like people are going to say jerky, dumb things no matter what and that the most important thing is that your KIDS know that you don’t care if it is a boy or a girl and that you aren’t hoping for a boy since you’ve already got 3 girls. That way it won’t upset them to hear the comments.

    I’m the youngest of four girls and the attitude in my family has always been ‘Of COURSE Dad is happy that he has four girls and no boys.’ So I didn’t grow up thinking that NOT being happy with four girls was a possibility and when people started saying things like “Oh your poor dad… all those girls in the house!” I would just laugh and correct them– nah, he’s happy with his girls.

  14. I will have t-shirts made for the girls to wear when you wear yours that say: “My parents love me even though I’m a girl.” That should shut people up….

  15. My vote lies with: decide not to care.

    Because, boy oh boy, if we could control other people’s reactions…! But we can’t. So, decide you don’t give a damn if they are pitying you and your possibility of four beautiful girls.

    Although I will say, with my last child, I didn’t care at all if it was a boy or a girl, until I found out that he would be my final child and my third son. I found out after all, deep in my heart, I might have wanted a daughter after all.

  16. “We didn’t get pregnant to have a boy! We did it to have another BABY!”
    (I have a friend with three daughters, pregnant with their fourth baby, this is her standard response.)

    Also, a pack of girls! I love that. 🙂

    I live in a tiny town where people think we’re weird because we have two children, but that’s just right for us. We get the, “Are you done?” question said with an agast tone. Like we’re cra-zee to stop at two. I laugh and tell them I was not meant to mother more than two kids – they’d eat me alive!

  17. I have four girls and I got the “trying for a boy” comment during all but the first pregnancy. Pissed me off, as if girls weren’t as desirable. My husband was like yours, if he had to choose, he wanted girls because that’s what he was used to. Now we get the “poor husband” comment, but that one doesn’t bother me, since it’s always said with a smile and not in a negative way.

  18. The comments about “trying/hoping for a boy” would make me nuts, too. Uh, you want another child. The rest is out of your hands, so why do people bother to ask/comment? Sigh.

    Also, I am SORELY disappointed that you won’t be finding out in advance. I am incredibly impatient and get so antsy about the sex of other people’s babies. Clearly, this is my issue, but still. Ack!

  19. I would vote for saying something completely inappropriate and not PC. Like, “I pray for another girl because that would so increase my chances of raising the next Sarah Palin” or “No, we weren’t trying at all–I slept with a pool boy, and this is what happened…”

    By the way, I get questions all the time whether we are going to try for a girl. From both family members and completely random co-workers. Glad to know it happens to everyone.

  20. I’m late to the game and too lazy to read the comments, but I recommend against using newborn cloth diapers unless you are planning on having A) a tiny tiny baby that grows very slowly B) a few more kids. Egg was in disposable newborn diapers for about 10 days before we switched to size small cloth. He was born weighing 7lbs 7oz. There is no way that would have made financial sense if we were using newborn sized cloth. That being said, I LOVE my cloth diapers and I’m so glad that we don’t have to worry about buying diapers (except for the first two weeks) for this upcoming baby.

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