Many Woes (but it’s not all bad)

Last Friday I drove to SD to be with my grandma in the hospital. For various legit reasons, I was the only one that was able to be with her that day, and she had some therapy and some care-planning meetings, and she’d had one or two small strokes the day before, and no one wanted her there alone.

A couple of hours after arriving at her bedside (where she looked awesome, but tired), her doctor told her she was being discharged… not to a nursing home/swing bed/rehab center like planned, but to HOME.  She was so very happy.  It took most of the rest of the day to bust her out of there, but eventually I was able to shut her into the passenger side of the car, with my grandpa at the wheel, and wave them off.

Obviously, I so glad she’s doing better and is home.  But her being at home has a whole different set of worries.  Is she eating enough?  Is she strong enough to go to the bathroom alone?  What if she falls?  What if she has another stroke… will Grandpa notice?  Plus, I don’t feel like I can call her often because I know upon returning home things became a circus of people calling and stopping over.

I also have been dealing with this stupid church drama that was stressing me out, probably more than it should.  Of course, I can’t blog about it.  We all know that being caught blogging about something or someone is bad, but getting caught blogging about church people is a whole different level of Douche.  Suffice to say, there was church drama, and I was given additional responsibilities that I didn’t need and that were arguably NOT my responsibilities and during a time when I didn’t need any more tasks, and the personalities involved were frustrating to handle.

Also, I still feel like shit.  I mean, I hate to complain about the fact that there is (from what we can tell) a perfectly healthy human growing inside of me… but I really can’t move around or stand AT ALL without a very tight, very uncomfortable uterus.  If I have a busy day, I also cannot sleep, because the contractions will not stop coming even after I’ve been in bed for hours.  Every time I doze off?  Another contraction.  So I lay in bed, timing them sometimes, and wondering if I am REALLY fine, or if things have moved to Not Fine territory.  Plus the fact that being dehydrated causes contractions and/or having to PEE causes contractions leads to an unbelievable clusterfuck of trying to balance the two.

I also had a headache for a couple of days (stress? Ah, yes, I believe so.) and had a little… fainting episode at Walmart.  I’ve been light-headed frequently lately, and I was standing in the shampoo aisle (gone are my salon hair care days!) and the floor started moving, and I became confused (was the floor REALLY moving?), and I quickly sank to the floor.  I sat there, spinning and confused for a while… Luckily it was 8pm on a S-L-O-W evening at the local Wally World, and only one lady saw me sitting there like a fool.  She was old and easy to persuade that I was, indeed, fine.  (I was, eventually.)

My frustration level has been running:  High, Even For Me lately, and I blame it on my complete inability to get any exercise.  I want to WALK.  Fast.  There have been so many times when things have gotten Tense, when a simple 30 minute walk outdoors would have improved my mood and attitude immeasurably… Thinking about not being able to MOVE all summer is depressing.  (Our local outdoor pool opens in early June, so I’m going to try swimming, I think.) (But it’s not the same as walking.  Or as accessible.)

My friends, and their magical perfect timing, all took turns bringing me surprises last week, and THAT was the loveliest gesture EVAR.  Every day someone else stopped by with treats or flowers or snacks… It was extra sweet because we were not suffering a Truly Tragic Time, and yet enough things were sucky that added up to Sucky… and wow.  I have good people here, and that’s a warm feeling.

The weather seems to have FINALLY taken a turn for the good (good riddance 40 degrees and drizzling), and while I cringe even typing that, I know that typing it won’t actually change the weather, for the good or bad.  (But I’m still going to be knocking on wood.)  Marin and I ate lunch on the trampoline today, and it rolled up my yoga pants and soaked up as much vitamin D as the sun was dishing out.  I felt HOT in the SUN for the first time in… well, that’s depressing to calculate.  But in a long time.  My azaleas are blooming, and my crab apple tree is about to.  It’s so odd how these little things can add up to so much Relief and Happy.

I also have a Crappy Day Present box (as in, more than ONE present) on the way from Rachel (also known as Doing My Best) , and if I didn’t puffy pink heart the internets before, I do now.

Also, I’m on my 2nd box (12 count) of those Snickers ice cream bars.  And no, I’m NOT sharing them with the children.  OR ANYONE ELSE EITHER.

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18 thoughts on “Many Woes (but it’s not all bad)

  1. What WONDERFUL news about your Grandmother. I hope she is recovering nicely at home.

    Your friends sound so lovely. What a nice way to brighten up the sucky gloom.

    Here’s hoping the suckiness passes quickly.

  2. I am VERY GLAD your grandma is home, but I understand feeling less comfortable having her there than if she was in a place with 24/7 monitoring. Totally get that.
    Also, I absolutely and one hundred percent understand feeling frustrated and miserable during the second half of one’s pregnancy with a VERY WANTED baby for which you are very grateful but which your body seems to want to squeeze out of you as soon as possible. It is wretched and stifling trying to live any semblance of a normal life with a belly that squeezes into a heavy rock every time you walk up stairs or lift a basket of laundry. Yet you feel like a horrid wench if you make more than passing mention of your constant discomfort because this was the baby you were so desperate for! Can’t you EVER be happy?!
    Yeah, it’s still fresh in my mind. Maybe even more than labor. Sending lots of empathy vibes!

    • Oh, Sarah, I feel so validated… thank you! It just seems like… like the END of this pregnancy is so VERY FAR AWAY, considering how little I can comfortably move around. And I AM so happy about this baby. Yes, you said it all perfectly.

    • I keep getting mad at myself for not enjoying it more. I feel like I LIKED being pregnant with my other kids. And since this is my last one, shouldn’t I be LOVING IT??? (Hint: I’m not.)

  3. Yay for Grandma!!

    And hon, that is A LOT of emotional and physical stress. No matter how you cut it. I hope things settle down for you soon.

    You know, I passed out twice during pregnancy with Cal and once during Emmett’s pregnancy. I have a really hard time standing still when anywhere from 12- 40 weeks pregnant. I’m okay if I’m MOVING, but standing makes blood drain from my noggin I guess. By Willa’s pregnancy, I knew not to even try to stand around. I take a knee, so to speak. But it still scares me when I get that dimming vision & flooded ears.

    • I passed out with Marin once too, at the clinic no less, where they made a BIG FUSS out of it. I got a wheelchair ride and the whole bit. I’ve felt light headed a TON lately, and I remember from the Marin Incident that during the “20’s weeks” it’s most common to pass out due to rapidly increasing blood volume/low blood pressure. STILL. It’s funny how my TWIN pregnancy was my EASIEST pregnancy.

  4. Ug to insensitive people adding to your burdens/responsibilities. Dude, like you don’t have enough on your plate?

    So glad grandma is home. That has to be a good sign, right? And yay for helpful friends and neighbors and internet pals. 🙂

  5. Good news about your grandmother!

    I remember when I was pregnant with my second and actually dreamed about being able to exercise and move freely. It was a rough pregnancy and although I was so so happy to be having a second child, I gritted my teeth through almost every moment of being pregnant because it was just so uncomfortable and unpleasant in ways being pregnant with my first child just wasn’t. Hang in there!

  6. I’m so excited for your box to get to you! I hope the anticipation doesn’t turn out to be better than the presents =)!!

  7. I’m so happy to hear your grandma is doing better. H’s grandmother has had several mini-strokes over the past two years, and she is doing great. You would never know she had them.

    And you are so lucky to have awesome friends!

  8. I’m so glad you have wonderful (local!) friends to help you through AND ice cream certainly can’t hurt. 🙂

    Go Grandma!

    I hope the weather continues to improve and things generally look up for you.

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