Smelly Nine-year-olds Mystery: SOLVED

Oh hi! I’m sorry what’s that? I should get off of my new phone once in awhile and actually sit in front of a REAL SCREEN with those little clickly typy keys? OH FINE.

So first up is Easter. It happened. It was low-key and lovely. (Palm Sunday was not low-key as there were over 30 people in my house, but it was also lovely.)

My girls:

Baby’s first Easter:

I know, totally adorable, these babies of mine. Not always so adorable to live with 24/7, but they clean up pretty well.

ANYWAY. Back to the topic at hand, which is stinky stinky kids.

I’ll just get right out with it. The twins are starting to smell. Where once we had to remind ourselves to usher them through the bathing process a couple of times per week– you know, squirt them with some water and get a little soap on them once in awhile– NOW after a day or two they have…. an odor.  Also, their hair starts to look a bit not-clean. Not greasy really, just not shiny either.

No big deal, right? These things happen as children become tweens (<–stupid word). We’ll just have them shower more often. They take care of that process completely on their own, so it’s just a matter of reminding them.

So they started showering every other day. And yet they still smelled.

So then they started showering every day.

And they still smelled.

I bought them deodorant. I inquired about their hair-washing technique. I washed their jackets and sweatshirts and bathrobes and anything else I could find that perhaps hadn’t made it into the regular laundry.

But they still smelled.

One night Kate was reading on my bed and when I entered the room, a strong fetid odor nearly made me gag. I figured it couldn’t POSSIBLY be HER, so I was smelling all around. The area near our dirty cloth diapers smelled BETTER than the area near my daughter. I finally sat next to her and took a big whiff…. and sure enough it WAS her.

It was to the point where I simply couldn’t stand to cuddle with them anymore. It was just awful. And not like regular BO, which I don’t really mind the smell of, but a sharp, sour, pungent, dirty feet smell. It was bad. Baaaaaaaad.

The other day after school, Joan came over to give me a hug. She had showered THAT MORNING (not even the night before, as she does sometimes) and my LANDS the SMELL. I was totally flummoxed. HOW could it be so bad, so quickly? How could a child that bathed less than 9 hours previous AND applied deodorant while I WATCHED HER DO IT, reek like that? Certainly that can’t be normal, right? Was my sense of smell extra-heightened for some reason? Was it something they were eating? Was there a medical problem? Why did my sweet 9 year olds smell like awful, dirty, sour feet?

I think what happened was, was that I solved the problem in my sleep. Because this morning, I absent-mindedly picked up one of their Ugg-type boots and smelled it, and them proceeded to DIE from the gasses. I didn’t even REALIZE I was looking for the solution to the smell problem, but OH MY GOD DID I FIND IT. I took much too big of a whiff. Lordy.

So, it turns out they have been wearing their Ugg-type boots all winter, which I knew, but they’ve been wearing them without socks, which I DIDN’T know, and coming home and kicking off the boots and coming over for a hug and BINGO. Let’s just say there was no saving those boots. David threw them out today. They were very worn out, anyway, and not in condition to wear next winter or save for Marin.

And now, I am SO RELIEVED that my children don’t SMELL. I mean, I think they still need to bathe every day or every-other day, but I can cuddle them again without gagging. I am happier about this than you can imagine. Truly.

It’s really the little things in life. Ya know?

And let us all learn this important lesson: If it smells like dirty feet…. IT’S PROBABLY DIRTY FEET.

Oh, and hey, as an afterthought, I remembered that we had a <GASP!!> family photo from Palm Sunday. Behold, all six of us in one frame!

Hey! Happy weekend!